Contemplating

So, I am coming down from the highs of the last week. The monster house is sold, and I have secured the purchase of my new house, and now I need to pack. Not really something I want to do, but it needs to be done. I have just over 3 weeks, more than enough time... I already have 4 boxes of books done.

I got my hair cut and dyed yesterday, it was supposed to be done the day after He told me he was leaving me. It's taken me this long to want to get it done again, and it felt great! My stylist made some interesting comments as well. She says that I am glowing more, look happier, and just seem more outgoing. She also said that it sounds like there was some mental abuse going on, whether it was noticeable or not. It makes me wonder....

When looking back, I have noticed that I fit myself to work into his life, but I can't see anywhere that he tried to fit into mine. It was all about him, and I followed along. The thing was, I didn't see it, or maybe I just didn't want to notice. I'm not sure why I let myself be put on the back burner like that, it's not who I really am, or who I want to be. I matter, I count. I don't think he wanted someone who could handle things on her own, could still function by herself. I think it made his insecurities even worse. Problem is, I can handle anything that life throws my way. Especially now that I have woken up, and taken control of my life again.

It's amazing what I have already done since this all happened. I have lost 33lbs, taken my boys camping, hikes, sold a house, bought a new one. In 3 weeks I will be taking them out in a tent trailer for 2 weeks. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to do this before, but I certainly have it now. I put my life (and the boys) on hold when he was away, I'm not sure why I did that. I will not put my life on hold for anyone again.