Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thinking of summer.

First thing tomorrow morning, I am packing the boys up, driving into the city, and praying that I come home with all 3!

I am only sort of joking!  I am taking the boys to the RV show in the city, which is a pretty big thing for them.  They really enjoyed our camping trip last summer, and always ask when we will go camping again. As an extra special treat, I am going to use the C-Train to get to the show!!!  I'm not sure which aspect of the trip I fear the most.  Three boys on a train going through the city, or 3 boys running wild at a show with multiple places to hide (the trailers)?!  I am lucky that I will have some help there, friends with their two boys will be joining me for the craziness.

I am going to be looking at tent trailers, not with the intention to buy new, but to get more of an idea of what will work for me and the boys.  The one we rented this summer was adequate, but I would like to see if there are other features that would work better for us.  I do know that I want to have an 'add a room' on the side, just a little extra space for us when the weather is poor or the bugs especially hungry!  I also want to look at the battery options for running the furnace and fridge in the trailer, as well as solar chargers for them.

The boys are pretty stoked about this adventure, and I am too.  I would really like to spend as much of the summer months outdoors with them, away from the towns and cities.  The trailer could also be nice for me to enjoy when they are with their father.  I could pack up, and head out for my own little vacations.  Now to just make sure we survive the show!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Could be a long day...

Well, this morning has started off rather poorly.  Both Monkey & Bug are still in bed (8:45am), which is an oddity to say the least!  Monkey has been known to stay in bed till around 8 at times, but never later unless he is feeling unwell.  Bug on the other hand, is always awake by 7am, no matter how sick he is!  I'm pretty sure they just have the head cold that I have been fighting all week, just really poor timing for them to get it!  Might just have to pop over to the movie store and get some new movies and maybe a game or two to keep them happy this weekend.

As for me, I am on the mend, can breathe for the most part.  What is getting me is the crazy strange dreams I have been having lately!  One I will not discuss, it (most of them do) involved P, but I am so not ready to go that route just yet!  The last two nights have involved things that should be scaring me big time, but for some reason aren't?!?!  The first involved a horde of bugs invading a university campus that I was visiting, last night it was crazy half men/half bears that were attacking and eating people!?!?!  I just don't understand!

I'm little nervous about what strange dreams I will have tonight, having all the boys home for the entire day is always a little crazy... just need to breathe!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A rambling week

This has been on of those week I wish would just end!  It all started off alright, had a good weekend.  Made it out Saturday night with a girlfriend for drinks and dancing, maybe a few too many drinks, but fun non the less.  Sunday was a bit of a challenge, with having a mild hangover around 3 happy little boys... ouch.  But, I survived no problem.

Monday was hard in the end.  I have been a part of many different bulletin boards over the years, but never stuck with any as I did with the January 2006 Birth Boards.  This is usually the first place I went for advice and comfort, the ladies there were always straight with me.  One of the more active members of that wonderful group of ladies passed away on Monday.  She was a vibrant, funny lady, you could feel her love for her children, husband, and family come through each one of her posts.  She was a mother to 3 boys, and one little girl, who was only 3 months old.  Her death is just so senseless.

Last Thursday she went in to have a tubal performed, something so many ladies get done.  She ended up passing away from Sepsis, due to a perforated bowel.  Something so simple, so easy, turned into something unbearable painful.  I ache for her children, I weep for her husband.  All I can do is send my most sincere and heartfelt sympathy... which feels so pathetically weak.  I can never understand the pain they are going through, and will go through for the rest of their lives.  All I can hope and pray for is that they find peace in their new lives.

With Anna's passing, I have spent the last 3 days in a rather subdued state, a lot of it crying.  It has not helped that I am sick with a head cold.  These two things combined do not help when dealing with 3 boys that want their mother's undivided attention.  Another blow to my already shaky life this week, was finding out that the local babysitting coop does not want to me to join.  Can you guess why?  The reason is because of my present divorce proceedings with my ex, they feel that I have too much going on to fully participate in this group.  Seriously???  Because of a life situation that I have no control over, I am being denied a group that could really help me???  I am rather upset by this.  Of course they tell me I can try again when things have settled down, but come on... when does life ever really settle down?!

Along with all this, I have been pondering a lot lately.  What am I really doing with my life, and what should I be doing.  With the Little Man so young still, I don't really want to work yet, but that time is coming closer every day.  What is it that I want to be doing one day?  And is it something that is attainable.  If it's not easily attainable, what should I settle for?  And then, what do I need to do now to be prepared. Of course, living in a small town does not help, the choices for work are limited here.  Yes, I do live close to the city, but don't really want to have to commute more than 30 minutes each way for a job that will take away even more time with my children.  Such a hard thing to figure out, finding that balance between working and my limited time with my boys.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I am so addicted!!

My nose was pierced this afternoon, and I love it so much!  I am seriously thinking of getting two more studs put in, but will give this one a chance to heal first.  I am getting very addicted to piercing, hadn't realized it would be as bad as tattoo's, but they are!  I just wish it wasn't so expensive, but I do think it is worth the cost.

I am really hoping I can get some rings put in the cartilage of my ears in the next few months.  I think they would look just wonderful.

The boys are with their father this weekend, which is good and bad.  Good that I can have some down time, but bad because I miss them.  Monkey really had a hard time, he did not want to leave at all.  He kept saying how he wanted to stay with Mama, and not go with Dada.  I did finally convince him to go, but his father was all for letting him stay with me.  I personally don't think it's a good idea to let the boys decide these things.  It is up to the parents to decide.  I don't want to end up with a little boy that thinks he can just live with whoever he wants, whenever he wants.  They need one home.  I especially don't want to encourage a situation where they will say 'I Hate You, I want to Live with Dad/Mom'!  Guess we shall just have to see how things turn out over the years.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

All excited again!!!

Did you know that piercing is addictive???  I didn't think about this problem when I had my nipples done 4 weeks ago, which by the way are healing beautifully!  I want more, so much more! So, tomorrow afternoon I am going to get my nose done.  I also want 4 rings in the cartilage of my ear, but that will cost much more, so will need to save up for it.  I am just pumped to be doing this!

I am finally feeling like the person I was meant to be, the person I should have been if I had not let my ex become the driving force of my life.  I realize now just how unbalanced our marriage was.  I'm not going to point fingers, as it was just as much my fault that I let it happen.  I'm just forever thankful that I am finally living my life how I want to now!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Change Tomorrow!

I have finally made a decision to sever my identity from my ex.  The divorce papers are not signed yet, but in my heart it is more than over.  So, I will be reverting to my maiden name tomorrow.  I will start with getting my drivers license changed, and once it is in hand, then I will get everything else changed over.  Just today I started to use my maiden name, and it feels good, it feels right.  In some ways it might make things difficult, but only in regards to the boys.  I suspect from time to time that I will have explain that 'Yes' I am their mother, but that is not a major problem... just comes with the territory of being a single Mom.

Other than that, life is still going forward.  Bug celebrated his 4th Birthday last week, he is growing so fast.  Little Man has had that wonderful word explosion that usually comes shortly after turning 2.  Monkey seems to be finally settling into school nicely as well.  The house is also looking good, not done, but much better!

Now to just get this divorce over and done with!!!