The last few years I have fought hard for my kids, which will never stop. But to help C and H through school issues, and to support P through cancer, I have somehow left myself behind. I have let my self go... and I need to find her again if I'm to keep fighting for my boys!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
How could I have forgotten???
I HATE painting! I have now spent my entire day working on painting my office/sewing room, and the TV/Play room... it's 3:30am, and I'm exhausted. The worst part is that I will be doing it all over again tomorrow. I'll also need to have it all cleaned up before the boys come home. I know this needed to get done, but I really think I must be out of my mind for doing it... even if it looks so much better already.r
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What do I do with tomorrow?
I had really hoped I wouldn't be married by this point, but well here I am... tomorrow will mark 14 years of Marriage to C. It also marks one year that C moved back to Canada with his girlfriend/mistress. Yes, that is correct, my 'husband' moved his girlfriend to this country on our 13th wedding anniversary... talk about a slap in the face! I think the only way to look at this, is to see just how far I have come since our marriage ended... or should I say he ended it when he had his affair.
I am happier, I smile and laugh more than I had for years. I don't miss out on doing things because I am either waiting for him to get home from a trip, or because I'm worried he wouldn't approve. I have made mistakes during this time, but they were mine. I have learned to love again, even if there is more caution involved in that. I found friends where I didn't know I had them, and unfortunately I've also lost friends as well. I've learned that I can handle more than I thought humanely possible, that I am stronger than anyone realized.
I believe the biggest things I have learned in this time, is to not worry about what other people think. I am my own person, with my own ideas. If there is something I want, I can and will get it. I am a wonderful person, well worth loving. My soon to be ex husband never really knew me, I don't think he ever wanted to. He has missed out on knowing a wonderful person.
I look forward to my future, whatever it might hold.
I am happier, I smile and laugh more than I had for years. I don't miss out on doing things because I am either waiting for him to get home from a trip, or because I'm worried he wouldn't approve. I have made mistakes during this time, but they were mine. I have learned to love again, even if there is more caution involved in that. I found friends where I didn't know I had them, and unfortunately I've also lost friends as well. I've learned that I can handle more than I thought humanely possible, that I am stronger than anyone realized.
I believe the biggest things I have learned in this time, is to not worry about what other people think. I am my own person, with my own ideas. If there is something I want, I can and will get it. I am a wonderful person, well worth loving. My soon to be ex husband never really knew me, I don't think he ever wanted to. He has missed out on knowing a wonderful person.
I look forward to my future, whatever it might hold.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Dreams of Beaches!
It's time for me to plan a little vacation... just for me! I am going to talk to my ex about taking the boys for a week in April, right after my Birthday. I want to sit myself on a beach, dig my toes into the sand, listen to the ocean, and bask in the sunshine. I recently found some money that was hiding (accidental double payment of property tax), that I'll be getting in the next month... so, money I didn't know was missing is perfect for a little trip to mexico!
Now to just decide where exactly I go? I've been to Mazatlan 3 times, and of course there are memories of my ex there. I want to stick with the West coast, so maybe Puerta Vallarata. I'm not looking to Party, but I also don't want to be stuck on some resort in the middle of no where. I want to explore, shop, and wander. I do hope that P can join me, but will go no matter what.
Now to just decide where exactly I go? I've been to Mazatlan 3 times, and of course there are memories of my ex there. I want to stick with the West coast, so maybe Puerta Vallarata. I'm not looking to Party, but I also don't want to be stuck on some resort in the middle of no where. I want to explore, shop, and wander. I do hope that P can join me, but will go no matter what.
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