New family member

I've taken the plunge, and found a dog for our family!  We got him at our local animal shelter, which is where we got our cat Catch back in 2009.  He is a 6 month old Rough Collie/Bullmastiff cross.  He is certainly not a small boy, but not too large... yet!    His first night wasn't too bad, he took a little while to settle in his crate, but finally did sleep.  He has only had one accident in the house, and I am being careful to get him out to his 'spot' on a regular basis.  He already knows some commands, and I will work with him daily to keep them up.  We attend obedience training next month.  The only real issue so far has been the cats, they are truly not impressed.  It will take some time to introduce them to each other, right now I am keeping them separate. Hopefully in a few weeks they can all roam the house at the same time.

The boys of course are thrilled!  They've been wanting a dog for many years, and I was only waiting until we were nicely settled here, as well as the right dog to come along.  I would say that so far Onyx is fitting in beautifully.

Processing

This has been the best/strangest/oddest day I have had in some time.   So much has happened, and so much more can come from it.  A lot I can't speak about yet, one day though, I hope.  What I will talk about was how I felt.  I was so hesitant to try Dexedrine, to try any ADHD medications for that matter, and I'm still not sure exactly what to think.  It wasn't bad, but it was certainly different.  I will try to explain, but I warn you this could end up making no sense!

I felt like the space in my head GREW!  All those little (and some big) thoughts that would slip from my mind before I could deal with them, were there.  All the tasks that I needed to accomplish at any given time, again they were there.  I actually managed to get down to deal with laundry this morning, and deal with all the little things along the way without being sidetracked.  When I arrived back in the kitchen, laundry basket in hand, plus a myriad assortment of other things I needed, I was a bit in shock.  It didn't take me 4 trips to get it all, not even two.  One trip was all it took.  I know this might not seem huge to most people, but for me it was incredible!  I am always getting side tracked by little things, or the little things are forgotten.

The challenge is going to be re-learning how to process all these thoughts, my brain isn't used to working this way.

Energy.  I had more energy than I have had since... well... teen age years?!?!?!  I'm sure that's not true, but it has been some time since I have not only had energy to spare, but the drive to get things done.  I wanted to accomplish things, it felt like a need to me.  It's not to say things didn't distract me, but I was amazed at how easily and quickly I could get myself back on track.

This is not to say it was perfect and easy.  With all those thoughts staying in my head, it felt a bit crowded.  The only way to describe it was a headache, without the pain.  This is where time will help, time to let my brain learn how to file and process all the extras that are sticking around.

I ended up taking 10 mg at 7:45 am, and another 10 mg at 1:00 pm.  I will continue with this for the next week, and see how I'm feeling, how I'm coping.  I may not always take a dose in the afternoon, as there are going to be days that I just want to hang with the boys.

This is a journey that I never expected to be on, but I am finding that those have become the best parts of my life.  I found love (so unexpectedly) when I wasn't looking.  I have been given the chance at making my own future.  This may just be another journey that I need to take, that will bring me great rewards.

Crossroads

So much is happening, so much that I want to happen... it's not always easy remembering what I need to do!  Tomorrow is a day that could help make my life so much easier.  It's not something I really want to do, but something that I at least must try.

With Monkey having recently been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, life around here has changed.  But nearly as much as it should be.  I've come to the realization that he gets a lot of this from me.  The more I read & see, the more I see myself in him... big time.

He needs help, and so do I.  So I will start taking Dexedrine tomorrow morning to see if it can help me, help him.  I'm nervous, I'm scared, but I also know this is something I have to do.  Not only could it help Monkey (by helping me), it could help me bring my own dreams to reality.

This is my year!

2011 is starting off with a great start so far!  Not to say 2010 was bad, but this year is showing some real promise for me.  I have love in my life, and prospects for my future.  It's not to say that there isn't struggle and strife, but what is life without struggle?  I see change coming, change that I desperately want!

Domain was lost :(

I lost my domain yesterday, it sucks that it happened, but in some ways I think it was a good thing.  I bought 3travelingboys when I was still with my ex, and it went with the dreams that he brought to our marriage.  Those dreams are of course long gone, new and better ones have replaced them.

Onto my the issue at hand, what on earth should my new domain be???

It's time to shake my life up again!  Nothing crazy, just need to make some adjustments.  I don't want to become complacent and find myself doing the same things in another year.  I want to keep growing.  I've come so far since last year, and I don't want to stop now.

I'm just a little stuck as to what I should do.

I want to set some goals in place.

It has been some time since I last posted, nothing too crazy going on.  I really should start posting more, it feels good to get things out as they happen.  May 2nd was Monkey's birthday, my big boy turned 6 years old!  Time certainly goes fast, feels like such a short time ago that I first held my first born son.  Today being Mother's Day, really wasn't anything different then other days.  Yes, the boys made me things at school, but they are still too young to really treat me on this particular day... one day it will happen though.

I am very happy with my decision to not bother dating right now... There is someone I am seeing, and have been for many months now (casually).  I'm thinking it could be more than I had thought...

I'm doing well, things continue to improve for me.  I am coming up on one year of being a single Mom.  This is one day I'm not sure how to feel about, or how to mark either.  On one hand I want to celebrate, as I  haven't been this happy in years... my ex's affair and consequent betrayal has ended up being for the best, but, at the same time, it has also made life just that much harder for me.  I am now a single Mom, during the week I am on my own, with only the odd weekends as a break.  I have an even bigger respect for Mom's out there who do it with no help of any kind from the father of their children.  On the other hand, it was a day that my dreams and hope for the future was destroyed... the stable family my boys had was destroyed.  For my boys sake I hurt, through no fault of their of own their lives have been uprooted and changed.  I do what I can to let them know that their father and I love them, but I don't know if that is even close to enough to help them transition.

It is now time for to find my bed, which is of course occupied by my Little Man... he has been in my bed most nights for about a month now.  I find myself just too tired most nights to work on getting him back to his own bed.  It breaks my heart to hear him cry 'Mama's Bed, I want Mama's bed'.

Some changes

Well, after this joyful weekend, and all that ensued.... I am making some changes.  Other than spending time with my kids, I am just going to concentrate on working out!  I have some goals in mind, and I don't want anything to get in the way of reaching them.  All this dating, and what not, was really starting to stress me out!  Dating with 3 little boys at home is very, very difficult!  It's also compounded by the fact that I can't rely on the ex to actually take them when he is supposed to, which makes it rather difficult to make plans.  How are you supposed to get to know someone if you can only see them once or twice a month?!?!

I'm lucky that I have some incredible friends, that are there for me when I need them.  Without them in my life it would be so much harder navigating my way through everything.  I really wonder how I survived all those years married without them, how I possibly enjoyed my life with them missing?  I must remember at all times to keep them close to me from now on, they help me keep balanced.

Change Tomorrow!

I have finally made a decision to sever my identity from my ex.  The divorce papers are not signed yet, but in my heart it is more than over.  So, I will be reverting to my maiden name tomorrow.  I will start with getting my drivers license changed, and once it is in hand, then I will get everything else changed over.  Just today I started to use my maiden name, and it feels good, it feels right.  In some ways it might make things difficult, but only in regards to the boys.  I suspect from time to time that I will have explain that 'Yes' I am their mother, but that is not a major problem... just comes with the territory of being a single Mom.

Other than that, life is still going forward.  Bug celebrated his 4th Birthday last week, he is growing so fast.  Little Man has had that wonderful word explosion that usually comes shortly after turning 2.  Monkey seems to be finally settling into school nicely as well.  The house is also looking good, not done, but much better!

Now to just get this divorce over and done with!!!

Time for Change

Yup, I need to change the look/direction of this blog.  It is not showing who I am becoming.  Change will be coming soon!