Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sale is final!

The house out in Cochrane is mine, well in 2 months LOL. The conditions were met this morning, so now all I have to do is wait. I'm not doing much tonight, just very, very tired. I've had a few late nights lately, which have finally caught up with me. I will be finding my own bed fairly soon tonight.

I was back in the house on Wednesday for the inspection, which I was very nervous about. I essentially bought that house with only ever being inside the one time back in early June, and even though I remember thinking it was a good house for me and the boys, I was worried my memory may have been flawed. Well, it wasn't.

The house is actually bigger than I remembered, and the kitchen much nicer too. The kitchen I have now is nice, but the new one is much better laid out cupboard wise. I will truly enjoy being in that kitchen. The bedrooms were all pretty much how I remembered as well, all good sizes, with plenty of room for the 4 of us. The yard though was much bigger than I remembered. The boys will love having that yard to play in, especially with the park right outside the back gate. The only true drawback to a yard that size is maintenance. I may just have to consider hiring someone to mow that lawn, or figure out a schedule with my parents to allow me the time to get it done.

I also went and purchased a new bed after the house inspection. I am very much looking forward to sleeping in a new bed, one that does not have memories of him associated with it. He can have the 3 beds in this house, I really and truly do not want to see them after I leave here in 3 weeks. I have already picked out the bedding I would like, unless of course I come across something I like better before I move in. I want the bedding picked before I take possession so that I can figure out what colour to paint my new bedroom.

All in all, I am very pleased with the purchase I have made. It is going to be a wonderful home for me and my boys, a place to make new, wonderful, happy memories. Here are some of the pics I took yesterday. The one with an arrow pointing to a garage is showing where my parents are in relation to my front lawn.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


So, I am coming down from the highs of the last week. The monster house is sold, and I have secured the purchase of my new house, and now I need to pack. Not really something I want to do, but it needs to be done. I have just over 3 weeks, more than enough time... I already have 4 boxes of books done.

I got my hair cut and dyed yesterday, it was supposed to be done the day after He told me he was leaving me. It's taken me this long to want to get it done again, and it felt great! My stylist made some interesting comments as well. She says that I am glowing more, look happier, and just seem more outgoing. She also said that it sounds like there was some mental abuse going on, whether it was noticeable or not. It makes me wonder....

When looking back, I have noticed that I fit myself to work into his life, but I can't see anywhere that he tried to fit into mine. It was all about him, and I followed along. The thing was, I didn't see it, or maybe I just didn't want to notice. I'm not sure why I let myself be put on the back burner like that, it's not who I really am, or who I want to be. I matter, I count. I don't think he wanted someone who could handle things on her own, could still function by herself. I think it made his insecurities even worse. Problem is, I can handle anything that life throws my way. Especially now that I have woken up, and taken control of my life again.

It's amazing what I have already done since this all happened. I have lost 33lbs, taken my boys camping, hikes, sold a house, bought a new one. In 3 weeks I will be taking them out in a tent trailer for 2 weeks. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to do this before, but I certainly have it now. I put my life (and the boys) on hold when he was away, I'm not sure why I did that. I will not put my life on hold for anyone again.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A sneak peak...

Here's a sneak peak at my new house. I will have more pics/video next week, but wanted to get a few up now. I'm already dreaming about how to decorate it, colours, and furniture placement.

My New House

I just signed the papers for the sale of my new house!!!! I have till the 31st to have the conditions lifted, but I am not even remotely worried about that. The inspection will be either Tuesday or Wednesday, I can't wait to get in to the house again. I will walk the boys over to the park today, and show them the yard. I am truly looking forward to seeing what they think.

This is such a big step for me. I have never made such a large purchase on my own before, and it was a little scary... but, it is just another accomplishment for me. This will be my house, he has had nothing to do with the purchase, or even choosing. I have never looked forward to a place this much before. Just a little over two months and I will be in.

I also realized yesterday, that in just 3 years, all 3 boys will be walking down the street to school!!!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

So Close!

I will be going through with the purchase of the house that I have been dreaming about for over a month tomorrow! I am so excited, can barely stop looking at the photo's of the house, and figuring out what I am going to do with the rooms LOL. Only slight down side is that I won't get in till Sept 30th, so that means I will be staying with my parents for a month. It will be interesting staying there again, but at least this time I know when I will be out, which makes the world of difference. And I'm sure having scheduled counseling sessions will also help me big time, a place to sort through things that will crop up.

Have I said how Excited I am yet LOL. I will soon have my own place, a place without his influence at all, a place just for me... and the boys of course ;). Even though he is gone, I can still feel his presence here, which is good and bad... just depends on what things I remember. When I remember how well he treated me, loved me, cared for me, it's good. Anything from this year, well, not so good. It will be good to make this last break.

Waiting, waiting.

If you haven't noticed already, I don't really have a lot of patience... especially when it comes to moving on with my life. I put an offer in to the house I first fell in love with a month ago, yesterday afternoon. Because the owner was out of town, we gave her till 9pm tonight to get back to us. An hour ago I got a text from my realtor saying that they got hold of her, and she would have her response in 2-3 hours.

The one thing I am holding onto is, she did not just reject the offer, and will be responding! I am willing to move on the money side of things a fair bit, but the possession by only a few weeks. My parents (especially my Dad) have said we are welcome in their house for as long as needed, but I would truly like to keep our time there to a minimum. As I'm sure you all understand, I love them, but don't really want to live with them anymore.

Other than that, things are moving along with the sale here. The inspection was this morning, and since the buyer was not present, he didn't get the report right away. So again, I am waiting to hear how it went. They only have till Monday to have all conditions removed, and I put to have my conditions on the offer cleared for Tuesday. So, if all goes well, Tuesday I will hopefully be celebrating!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Decisions, decisions!

It's decision time, which house to offer for, and for how much! I'm still pretty sure I want the one I saw a month ago, although there is a close contender. The only real snag is what kind of possession the owner will take. I understand she has some medical/health issues, and wants a long possession... but what does long mean to her! She has been out of town, and won't be back till tomorrow... so I am going to be flying a little blind here.

If I cannot get that house by the end of September (a little over a month with my parents is a little too much), then I will move on to option #2. This house is a little bigger, with more rooms, and is also set up nicely. The big draw backs are that it does not have a garage (although there is space out front to put a double in), and the yard is smaller and needs work. The first choice has a very nice landscaped large yard, with a single car garage.

I will sleep on it tonight, and see how I feel in the morning. Hopefully a good sleep will give me the clarity I need for this.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Conditionally Sold!!!

The house is now Conditionally Sold!!! I am waiting to find out about the house I am interested in, but there are a few others that look good as well. I am heading out tomorrow afternoon to look and see what I am willing to buy!

I am so excited to finally be able to move on to the next stage of my life, I need to move on, and this will be a big part of that!

It's going to be a long morning!

This is just a real quick post. I am going to have an offer on the house today after lunch, don't know what it is yet, just that one is coming! I'm really hoping it's decent, either enough to say yes, or at least work with. So far, the morning is dragging by... guess I need to find something to keep me busy and occupied!

Please pray it's a good offer, I could really use a wonderful start to my week!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Just hanging around tonight

Not too much to say today. The house is pretty well under control, the kids are all in bed, and I'm just hanging out! I don't do this often, mainly because I don't like to have too much spare time... but I just couldn't come up with anything I wanted to do tonight. Not in the mood for ironing, sewing, reading, watching TV, or much of anything for that matter.

Tomorrow will be a busy day for us. Need to pop over to Walmart in the morning, which will be interesting, it's getting to be a struggle getting out the door with the kids these days. Then we will be having lunch with my SIL-R, and her husband E. I haven't seen them in a very long time, I'm thinking it was last September! R and I have been close since shortly after he and I got married. When he first told me he was leaving (before I knew about her), R said that no matter what happened, she wanted to stay friends. E said on the phone this evening, that he and R still, and always will, regard me as family. That is a truly wonderful thing, as I would feel strange not having R in my life anymore.

After lunch, I will be dropping the boys off at a friends house, so that I can attend a counseling session. I am looking forward to this session, as I am hoping that I can start to learn how to let him go... to be able to take move on from this mess. I am also hoping to talk about the boys behavior, which isn't awful, but it has changed in the last month or so. I'm just thankful that since he moved, they have settled down a bit.

Then, after that, they boys get to spend the night at Grandma's house. Which they are very much looking forward to! I shall be going to a nice Martini bar with a friend. I'm just looking for the chance to sit back, relax, and enjoy an evening out... and if I'm lucky, forget about my craptacular life for a little while. Now don't worry, I won't be drinking too much. I will be picking the boys up just before 9am on Saturday, so I need to stay relatively sober to accomplish that feat.

Then the rest of the weekend will be spent hanging around with my boys. I have a fair bit of yard work to catch up on now that the sun is back, which they enjoy helping me with. Considering our coming week is looking rather full again, it will be nice to just hang out this weekend.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Not such a good day around here. I was woken up at 7:15am by a puke covered Little Man! Thankfully he only puked one more time after that, but did spend the day being a little more clingy than normal. I wouldn't have minded the clinginess, except I needed to finish cleaning the house up, and get laundry put away. I was able to get most of it done, but will have to spend a bit more time tomorrow finishing it off.

I am getting out Friday night! My Mom will be taking the boys for the night, and I am heading out with a friend. I'm just looking for a chance to unwind a little bit, relax, and have a good time. He gets to do whatever he wants over there, while I take care of life, our children, and this house. It really is not fair what he has done, but I will make the best of it. At least I get to spend all the time I want with my boys.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Figure I should get on here and write about my camping experience with the boys. First off I have to say a great big Thank You to everyone that helped me this weekend, you all helped to make it a wonderful weekend for me and the boys. I especially want to thank A's Hubby, he really helped me out with getting the tent set up.

We left the house later than I had wanted, the boys were not exactly helping me get ready. The island in my kitchen, actually became an island Friday morning. As I was trying to pack our clothes into a bag upstairs, the boys decided it would be a good idea to let the water run on the freezer door. Not exactly what I need to start my weekend off, but still just kept working away at getting at the door. I did get some help from my Mom, she came over during her lunch hour to give me an extra pair of hands.

As we pulled up, I was helped immediately. The boys were watched while I unloaded, and of course the wonderful help setting up the tent. The only real glitch was that first night sleeping in the tent, it was a little difficult for the boys. Monkey and Bug did fairly well, but Little Man was not impressed with the sleeping arrangements. He did not like his peapod bed, and did not like sleeping beside me either. At around 11pm when the other two had finally crashed, I took Little man out to the camp fire. Eventually he passed out, so off to bed I finally went. He did wake up during the night, but settled with me okay.

The next day was fairly good, the boys had a blast running, playing in the pools, and whatever else they could do while there. There was a lot of kids running around, as well as dogs, which my boys are obsessed about. One dog in particular became their new best friend, Angel. She was the first thing they talked about in the morning, and who they tended to gravitate too. Thankfully she was a wonderfully calm dog, who seemed to love children as much as they loved her.

The boys were upset when we had to head home, but were mollified by the promise that I will rent a tent trailer to try out this year. I plan to see what is available this summer tomorrow, hopefully I can get a decent week to take it out, at least I don't have a work schedule to work around. This I plan to do alone, hopefully it works as well as I hope it does.

I didn't take too many pictures, just wanted to enjoy the weekend more than anything. But here are a few I did get.

I think this is my favorite pic of me and the boys!

The little kids having some fun.

My Tent!

Little Man & Bug playing in the pool

Monkey & Angel
Little Man & Angel

House update

So, my realtor says the house that I want was pulled off the market??? She says she will look into why, and when they might re list it. If it got pulled because of low interest, I wonder if they would accept a conditional offer from me??? I really want that house, and I really hope I get it!!!

Now to just get this bloody awful house I am in sold and gone!

Sunday, July 12, 2009


So, I just popped onto MLS, and the house that I really wanted.... is no longer listed! I am really upset. I really, really wanted this house. I really just felt it was the place for me, but because I can't sell this freaking monster of a house that he has saddled me with, I didn't get the house I wanted.

Not sure what the next step is, guess just keep waiting to sell this $%^&*^&#$@ house... I just want it gone. I never knew I could hate a house so much, but I am certainly starting to hate this one. Will have to start the search for a new house all over again... crap!!!

We survived!

Just a quick post to say that we are home, and all in one piece too! We had a great time, makes me wish we could have stayed longer. Hopefully I will be able to get out with the boys again soon, although it will be with a tent trailer (rental). If that goes as well as I hope, then next year I will look at purchasing one.

I have already gotten 3 loads of laundry done, a few more to go... but I am just soooo tired! I'm just going to tidy up the kitchen quickly, and then head off to bed. As much fun as we had, I didn't get as much sleep as I would like, but I knew that would be an issue.

I will give more details tomorrow, as well as put some pics up.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Weight Loss

I usually just post my weight loss stuff on my other blog To Wear A Bikini, but I really wanted to brag a little right now. In the last 52 days I have lost a total of 28.4lbs!!!! That is an amazing achievement, something that I am so very proud of. I now have only 20lbs to get to my goal of 135lbs, something that I am very much looking forward to. I'm going to have to do some major shopping this coming fall LOL.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Camping we go!

Tomorrow afternoon I am taking on a task that could be rather interesting. I am taking my 3 boys camping, in a tent, for 3 nights!!! Now, you might be wondering if I have lost my marbles, and I'm sure a few have escaped lately, but I have not lost them all. I am camping with 6 other families just outside of Drumheller. I'm so not ready to try it totally on my own LOL. If it goes well, then we shall see.

I truly am looking forward to it, I enjoy camping, and they do as well.. even if they have only been once before. I would prefer to be doing this in a tent trailer, but that is going to have to till next year when I can afford one. Doing this in a tent just means that I will get to sleep earlier, as I'm sure I will have to stay inside to get them to settle down. Not that big a deal, especially since I am up so late right now getting things ready. I will have even less privacy then I do now, again not a big deal short term. We may not eat as healthy as we normally do, again not a big deal short term.

It will be an experience, one that I hope is enjoyable for all. There is also so much to do in Drumheller. There's the Royal Tyrrell Museum, all the badlands to explore, and a wonderful (and free) water park for the boys to enjoy during the very hot days there. Here's some pics from our visit up there in June.

Bug getting nice and wet

Monkey going for a run through
Little Man, and Bug splashing around

Not really sure what Little Man was trying to do!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

New Phone

Well, I finally broke down and got a new phone. My old one drove me nuts when I would have to text, which is usually with 'him', so it becomes a double annoyance. As I'm sure you can all imagine, I don't really care to communicate with him at all. I figure this might just allow me to text without getting all pissed off, which isn't really a good thing.

I am very happy with my purchase! I got the HTC Dream, which so far I am very happy with. The afternoon I got it though, I almost lost it!!! I was seeing a friend to the door, when I turned around and saw Little Man dunking it in cup of tea!!! Thankfully it just needed a night to dry out, and still works just fine. Here's my new baby.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Old habits.

I am finding that as time goes on, I am starting to fall back into some of my old habits. Not all of them, but a few. My time on the computer has increased a bit the last week or so, but not as much as before. I am still not watching TV, which is probably why my evening computer time has increased. Now that he is gone, I am going to start sewing again. For some odd reason, I just did not want to sew while he was around. I have a few projects that are almost done, just need to spend a little time finishing them. It will feel good to get them done. With those things done, I can start to work on my next project, can't wait to get that going. One day I will blog about it, but not yet.

He told Monkey yesterday that we did not like living together anymore, so he would be living somewhere else when he comes back. I was extremely angry, and hurt, that he did that without my knowledge, and consultation. I am their Mother, and should be treated as such for all major decisions. It really threw me when Monkey asked me why I didn't like living with Dada, it just seemed so out of the blue. I did want them to know, as they are much more intelligent than he gives them credit, but it was something we should have discussed prior. Then again, it doesn't surprise me, he couldn't re-arrange his day Friday to have our counseling session later in the morning than planned. It wasn't my fault the counselors were short staffed that morning, I found out that information just as I saw him pulling into the parking lot. I was pretty sure the sitter was okay with staying till after 11am, but waited to talk to him first before calling her.

Oh well, water under the bridge now so to speak.

I now have two months to work on healing myself, and making sure there are no repercussions from the boys. Bug has become a bit more of a handful lately. He is really hitting when he doesn't get his way, it can be very hard for me to deal with on my own everyday. I am going to talk with the counselors about that, and see if they have any ideas that could help me deal with that issue. Monkey does not seem all that keen on spending any time away from me. Bug wanted to join Grandma at Church today, but Monkey said he wanted to be with me instead. Took a lot of talking to make him realize that I would be there too.

I just want to make sure they know just how much they are loved and wanted. I will do anything to keep them happy, and well adjusted. Knowing that Monkey can take time to adjust to new situations, I point out his new school every time we go by. Even if he didn't need that time, I don't like the idea of just tossing them into a situation without some idea of what it is about.

I am going to take the plunge next weekend, and take the boys camping! It will be with a number of families that I know, so at least I will have some eyes to watch them while I set up. I won't need to bring everything along, just enough to get us through 3 nights. I am looking forward to it, but also dreading it at the same time. We are talking about it a lot right now, about what I will expect from them during the day, and at bedtime. Hopefully it will help things to go smoothly. If it is a success, then I hope to do it a few more times this summer.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Less than 48 hours!!!

That is all....

Less than 48 hours until they are out of the country, and I can breathe a little easier for a few months.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Getting Angry

I knew it would come, didn't know when, but knew one day the anger would show up. This week I have been angry, so very angry. I don't like being angry, it's draining and tiring. I still just don't understand (and suspect I never really will) why and how he could do this to me and our children??? I loved him so very much, and truly felt that we would spend our entire lives together... I still can't quite grasp the fact that it is over.

My only saving grace in this whole crap fest, is that I know it is NOT my fault... I did not do anything to make him do this, I am not the one who decided to forsake our marriage vows. It just makes me angry that he could do this without at least trying! We had a wonderful life, whether or not he thinks it now, we did. I truly do not believe he was so unhappy for as long as he said.... why stick around and have children with me otherwise?

Just please let this anger disappear soon, I don't need it messing with my head and health.