Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Only 2 nights to go!

Every year this happens, Christmas sneaks up on me!  The presents are bought, wrapped, and almost ready to go... but it feels like there is just so much more I could do!  It's not helping that I am still working on getting the house set up.  It is looking better each and every day, it's just taking me so much longer to get to this point than I would have liked.

I am hoping the boys enjoy Christmas this year, I'm hoping that I can still make it as wonderful for them as in years past.  I'm pretty confident they will like their gifts, especially the Wii system I bought for all of us.  The only other gifts are some Santa ones, and little stocking stuffers.  These next 2 days are going to be busy and hopefully fun filled, I just hope we all survive!!

Things are progressing very nicely with the Divorce, it should all be wrapped up nice and early in the New Year.  It's going to be a superb way to start 2010 off, having the divorce stuff behind me!  Now, I won't actually be divorced until mid May, but the divorce decree will be complete, and just waiting for a judge to sign off on it.  Back in May this day seemed like the worst thing could ever happen to me, and now, it feels so very freeing!  I don't think I will ever like being a single Mom to my boys, but I would rather stay single than have my Ex back in my life.  Of this I am 100% positive, I do not want him back.

Monday, December 21, 2009

So tired....

The last few days I have found myself to be so very, very tired!  Yes, I know I stay up later than I should, but it's not that late when I finally crash.  And yes, the boys visit me throughout the night, but I have been getting used to that for over 5 years.  It could be from the short cold days we are having, you know, that hibernation that can try to settle in over the winter months... but I don't have time for that!  I just need to be awake and present during the day.

I have accomplished a lot the last few days, made some wonderful progress on the house.  Not sure I will have it all done before I head up North for a week, but it should be enough that it won't bother me.  I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to getting away from things for a whole entire week!  There will be no screaming children, no housework, and no responsibility of any kind!!!  Sounds a bit like Heaven, doesn't it?!

The best part will be spending time with P.  It's been almost 4 weeks that I have seen P, which is much too long.  Of course, I have been fairly busy with the boys, this house, and also finalizing things for the divorce... so, my time has been limited.  Come the New Year, I should have more spare time to hopefully spend with P.

On the subject of my Divorce, I am hopeful that I will be signing the papers this Wednesday!  I have also talked to the bank about taking over the mortgage, so that it is in my name only.  Income wise everything is good, it's just waiting on the credit report.  It will be a wonderful feeling to have these last 7 months behind me, and only look to my future.  It is a far different future than I dreamed of at the beginning of the year, but one that I am looking forward to very much.

I don't want to hold myself back anymore, I want to experience new things.  I'm sure I will get hurt along the way, but at least I will know that I am living my life.  So, if there was one New Years resolution I would make for 2010, it would be to live my life to the fullest!

Friday, December 18, 2009

They look great!

Well, it is done!  My nipples are pierced with bar bells, and it went so well.  It did hurt, but not as much as I would  have thought, the tattoo removal was much harder to take.  So far I have no pain from the piercing, but I do know they are in place.  I think it looks awesome, and am already planning more piercings.  I would eventually like to get rings placed in, but I need to wait at least 3 months for the piercing to heal properly before making any changes.

I am now wondering just why I waited so many years to do this.  It feels so incredible to finally take my life in hand and make it my own.

Nervously Excited!

Well, today is the day!  I will be getting both my nipples pierced this afternoon.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but I am excited too.  I have secretly wanted this for so long, it will be nice to finally follow through.

I will also be finding some information on an opportunity today.  I don't want to say too much, as it is looking like it could be a long shot.  This day could hold so many things for me today!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I am exctited!

So, this Friday I am going to Tribal Expressions.  They are a highly recommended piercing parlour.  This may shock some of you, but those that have known me longer won't be as surprised.  I am getting my nipples pierced!  I have wanted this done for many, many years.  Long before I met my Ex.  I was always nervous about doing, and then once I was with my Ex, I knew he wouldn't approve.  So, here I am in my middle 30's, about to get my nipples pierced!  I am anxiously awaiting Friday afternoon now.

I will also be getting my tattoo lasered so that it can be fixed up properly by my tattoo artist.  I just need the top two colours (red & green) to be lasered off, then go back in to have it all touched back up.  Once it is done and healed, I will be planning my next one.  I would like to get mine and the boys birth flowers tattooed across my back and along my sides.  This one will probably take more than one session, but will be worth it in the end.

You may be wondering why I am doing all this.  It's a pretty easy answer.  I am now doing all the things I would have done had I not married the Ex 13 years ago.  I knew he did not approve of tattoo's or piercing, so I refrained from getting any.  Now that I am not living my life for anyone but myself, I am finally going ahead with these things.  Whoever I end up with next will have to accept me for who I am. I will not change myself so drastically again.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Time for Change

Yup, I need to change the look/direction of this blog.  It is not showing who I am becoming.  Change will be coming soon!

Finding Me

It has been some time since I last posted.  I wouldn't say I was crazy busy this whole time, or totally bored... just somewhere in between.  I have been slowly taking stock of my life, where I have been, where I am, and where I am going.  You know, the usual type of thing to do when your life has been turned upside down.  I have found solid ground to place my feet on, it's just now figuring out the direction that I want to take them.

First off, I am happy.  I find it very strange that I can say that, only 7 months after my husband of 13 years left me for another women.  But, it is very true.  I am happy to be in charge of my life, to take it where I want it to go.  I am ecstatic to do the things I have thought of with longing for so many years, but always worried whether or not my husband would approve.

I believe your head tells you where others want you to be, your heart tells you where your ties are, but listening to your soul...tells you where to go.

I am still taking each day as it comes, and slowly learning how to relax with my boys.  I no longer want to be the controlling Mom that I was, it is not really who I am.  This I am finding harder to change, which you would think would be the easiest?!?  I have learned how to use a power drill, not sure why I waited so long!  My house is a mess, especially compared to how I kept the old one.  But, I no longer want to be the 'Perfect House Mom'.  I am so far from being perfect, and never want to be either.

I am getting my tattoo fixed up next month, as well as getting a few piercings. I am hoping to start work on my next tattoo in February, March at the latest.  I am coming out of my shell, and living how I want to live.

I also think I need to either re-vamp this blog, or start another one.  This one has morphed (as life does) over the year, and does not really reflect who or what I am anymore.  I may keep it around for posts about my boys, but for myself, I think a change is in order.  I want to be freer about who I am.