Thursday, October 28, 2010

I swear I see the light!!!

At the end of the tunnel that is!  My house is finally coming together, it's just a matter of actually cleaning now.  I can't tell you how good it feels to finally feel on top of things around here again.  I can also see using my newly revamped office/sewing space now, it just never felt welcoming before.  I also have a plan for getting all the craft stuff for the boys out of my eating area!  It will be nice to let them work on some crafts without having my table over run.  I hate the rush of clean up when we need to sit down and eat, and just hated seeing the mess that it would leave.

Another day and I will be much happier... the fact that I get a nice weekend with P is helping my outlook too ;)  Also highly anticipating attending James & Anthony's Halloween bash Saturday night... Actually looking forward to wearing fake blood!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Making Progress

Had myself a wonderful child free night, slept all by myself... bliss, total bliss!  Still working on my cold, but it's not taking over at least.  I also managed to get a good chunk of the junk out of my house!  Got all the recycling (and there was a lot) sorted and out, also managed to get down to the bottle depot... that wasn't so great, only $13.85.  Have a bunch of stuff set for goodwill as well.   Feels really good to get this stuff sorted out and out the door.

Thanks to my Mom's help, I also have a plan for organizing my sewing/desk area.  I hope to set it up in the next few days and see how it goes.

I'm getting really excited for Halloween this weekend!  I'm all set for my School Girl Zombie costume, just need to rip and bloody them up a bit.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


I know my life isn't in a shambles anymore, but somedays it certainly feels that way.  The last few weeks I have felt out of sorts, lost my energy to get things done.  Of course the more I let things go, the worse the feeling gets... vicious little cycle.

I need someone to come and kick my ass to get going again.  Wonder what it will take to get things going again.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

It's that time again

Budget, budget, budget!

I'm not poor, but I do know that I could manage my money better.  So, this weekend will be the perfect time to work on my budget.  I'm thinking I will look at setting up envelopes with the cash I need for groceries and other odds and ends throughout the month.  I really need to watch my money much more closely.  I want to show my boys how to manage money properly, how to save well.  I want to set a good example for them!

Wish me luck, this is something I've always struggled with following through on... but it's something that I just have to do!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


We all struggle with different things, at different times in our lives.  A big struggle for me is 'Being Present'.  I constantly find myself wondering about the 'what if's', 'should I's' or 'shouldn't I's'.  It can be extremely draining doing this day in and day out.  I need to take a day, and just let myself be without the worries and wondering.  I need to take a day away from the computer, the TV, cell phone, and from all that distracts me from being in my life.

There is so much I want to do, to accomplish, to try... but if all I do is think about them, and worry about doing them... it's not going to happen!

I have made so many goals, both short and long term, in my life that I have not followed through with.  Why?  Because I'm scared?  Because I over analyze?  I wish I knew, but I do know I'm getting really tired of sitting around and waiting!

How can I do this?  Anyone out there have thoughts on how I can do this?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Thank You

Today is the day we celebrate all that we are thankful for, remembering and cherishing.

My list is pretty simple, but of course unique to who I am.

I am Thankful for my wonderful and incredible boys.  I have the privilege of watching them grow and learn each and every day.  I cherish the innocence they see the world with, and the love they show.

I am Thankful to have been given this new chance at life.  Just a few years ago, I knew I was in a rut, but had no idea how to get myself out of it.  I never realized that the rut was my marriage, and that shedding it would wake me up to a world of possibilities.  I am doing what I can to not take this life for granted, and to find as much joy in it as I can.

I am Thankful for a handful of wonderful, awesome friends.  Without their love and support, and a lot of listening and understand, I would not be where I am today.  They helped keep me sane when my world was falling down around me, they helped me remember that my boys were what mattered... I could get through anything with them surrounding me.

I am Thankful for Love.  I have fallen in love again, unbidden and so surprising.  I really did not expect to be here at this point in my journey, but I am.  He has shown me more compassion, caring and need than I had seen in more years than I care to think about.  He has helped to awaken the person I was starting to become when I met my ex, the person I repressed for all those years.  He, I think, has enjoyed watching me grow as much as I have relished each and every step.

I am Thankful to whatever God/Deity is out there watching over us.  I have spent most of my life questioning my spiritual path, and am finally realizing that I don't need to fight anymore.  I do believe there is a God, but I don't believe he is the God found in the Bible.  I'm not sure I can fully explain what I believe, I think that will be a post for another night.

I wish everyone out there could find their way through whatever sorrows they have, to see what a treasure our lives really are.  We all have the potential to be happy.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


My face reflected in the mirror.
The lines etched in my skin.
Showing all the worry and strain I carry with me.
I see loneliness.
I am afraid of that.
This life I lead is not what I hoped for.
Loneliness pervades
seeps in.
Love is waiting inside
bursting to come forth.
Craving touch
All around me the world keeps moving.

       Leaving me jostled and bruised.
Skin against skin
bringing warmth

A reflection of possibilities
      if but I can reach them.