Friday, August 21, 2009

Got It!

I picked the tent trailer up this morning! Hauling it behind the van (Honda) wasn't as bad as I thought, although I did take things pretty slow. It isn't that difficult to set up, should easily be able to do it with the kids still in the Van, or even helping me a little bit. Right now I am trying to go through all the gear, see what we have, and what we might need. Since I had to clear the pantry out, I do have a fair amount of dry goods to use up. It will just be seeing what I need to fill in any gaps.

You will not hear this from me often, but I wish the day was a little cooler. It is hard work digging out all the things I need, and the heat is not helping one bit!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

a few bumps

Well, a few bumps, and few hours later... I can now say I am finally done! I will never have to see that house again, I can learn to forget about the last few months there... or at least try. The money is in the bank, and I am ready to walk away.

To New Beginnings!!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Well, as of 8:30am tomorrow (Thursday, August 19th, 2009), I will be saying good bye to the house I have lived in for the last 2 years. It is not a truly bad house, it was entered into with hopes and dreams. There are many memories I will cherish from that house, especially one.

On November 24th, 2007, I gave birth to Little Man in that house, in fact, in the bathtub in the master en-suite. That night, my family grew by one more member. I have now left that house missing one family member. But it was not by death that a family member was lost, but by desertion. Yes, my Husband was my family, he was my life, he was an integral part of my family. That particular family is now gone, replaced by another, even stronger one.

This new family is of course myself and the boys, but bonded together with the love and support from so many other people. Even though a key person is gone, I have gained so much more than I have lost. I am truly blessed by the support I have found during this most difficult time in my life. Without it, I would not be standing on my own two feet right now. I do realize that it is not over for me yet, I still have many hurdles to cross, but I know that I will get through them... because of my boys, and the friends and family that I have.

To everyone that has been there for me, THANK YOU. You have all brought me to this point, saying good bye to that house. Again, Thank You.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Stressing out....

I am so starting to seriously stress out, I'd forgotten just how much I hate moving and cleaning! Add all the other stresses on top of this one, and let's just say it's not pretty. Must remember that it is only another few days, then I can take a breather for a month.... or as much of one as the boys will allow!

I just want into my new house desperately, I need to be there, I need to settle somewhere. Please let me get in early.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


So, the boys are moved out to Grandma & Grandpa's, and I have the house to myself tonight! Although I do not plan on staying here all that much longer, just waiting for a friend to get over here so we can head out. We are going to check out the Tattoo convention, then off for some drinks. I am looking for an artists to do a piece on the back of my neck. It will be a Victorian Stylized light post, the colours will be the boys birthstones. Monkey is Emerald (the one I am also telling to Go), the Bug is Ruby (the one I am constantly saying Stop to), and then Little Man is Topaz (the one that I am always saying be careful to). I figure it will be around 3 inches long, and 1 to 2 inches wide.

I do want to get another one done, but it will have to wait till next year I think. I would like it to start on my lower abdomen, travel up my side, and finish off on my upper back. That one will consist of the boys birth flowers, and maybe mine as well. I have wanted to get more ink (I have one tattoo on my stomach, that I got 13 years ago) for a very long time, and I do not feel like waiting anymore. It is time I do what I want, and not worry about anyone else. And this will not affect the boys in any way, so I say let's do it!!!

Tomorrow will be the day to get everything out of here, I am so excited! I can hardly wait to have this house put behind me, the last few months have not been good here.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Talk about trying new things... I am going to be taking my boys camping in a tent trailer starting next Friday! We will be camping in the mountains for the first 8 nights, then in Cochrane for another week. I am slightly terrified to be doing this, so many things to think about and get prepared for. But, I know that we need this time together, time that I haven't had while packing this house up.

The only other terrifying thing is hauling a trailer with the van! I have never pulled anything before, thankfully it's only going to be a tent trailer. At Lake Louise, thankfully all the spots are pull through, so I won't have to worry about the torture of trying to back the trailer up. Not sure I will be ready for that the first day out. I'm pretty sure I will need to back up in Cochrane, but I can deal with that problem when and if it arrives.

Hopefully my next post will be all about getting out of this house, and putting that part of my life behind me!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Making progress

I finally feel like I am making progress! It is now just down to the kitchen really, only a few odds and ends around the house. I have a van full of various things to take out to Cochrane in the morning. I have things for good will, and things of his to drop off out there as well. I will then be making another trip with the van to take some boxes out to my parents place. They have a large storage tent set up by their garage, and three waiting palates. I am hoping to get as much as possible in the tent, to help keep their garage free... although I suspect some items will be finding their way next door, but at least there will still be room for one vehicle.

The boys were as usual running a little wild, doing their best to get my attention. I feel really badly that I can't spend time playing with them, or even reading them a story. Thankfully I only have a week left here, and can then spend as much time doing things with them as I want. Monkey has been really naughty lately, getting into things that just drive me insane! I keep finding creams poured into my sink, plugs moved around, and other various things. Bug just keeps going from one thing to another, and always looking for snuggles. Then there is Little Man. Nothing is safe with him around, it is all fair game! That little mischievous smile of his just pulls on my heart every time though.

It is now time for me to get some sleep, the boys are usually up bright and early... and of course I have a lot to do.


I just finished reading an entry at my friend Lisa's Blog, Urbane Bliss. How true she writes. Why do we need this 'stuff' that fills our lives up, other than the necessities, do we really need it. For me, as I look around this massive house, that in the end did not see happiness, all I can see is stuff! I have whittled down, I have given away, but there is still so much. To live that simple life, how much more can I get rid of? What do I not want/need that could benefit someone else. I have already taken around 8 bags of clothes to the goodwill in Cochrane, where all proceeds go back to the community. I have taken household items in as well, now I guess it's time for some furniture.

During packing I have gone through the things that were accumulated during 13 years of marriage, one that is ending very unhappily. I remember the trips we took, the travels we had, the memories they invoke. At the time I was so very happy, I still refuse to believe he wasn't. I no longer want those memories, I no longer want to be reminded of what will never be again. The truly very hard thing for me, is that some of those memories also include my very wonderful children. Which means that some of those things will remain, as they need to have them to know that their parents were once extremely happy.

I am looking forward to my much smaller house, a much simpler life, and pray that it is a much happier one as well. There will be complications, and issues will arrive, but if we can have that simple life that Lisa talks about, those problems won't make a real dent in our lives.

We should all strive to live our lives simply, without worrying about what the next person has. We do not need new furniture (except for my new bed, I refuse to sleep on my marital bed after this week!!!), or new things. This has given me much food for thought!

Saturday, August 8, 2009


Have I mentioned yet how tired I am of packing???? How the heck did I get stuck doing this by myself??? Someone please tell me??? Oh, I know! It is all very clear in my mind....

I did get out last night to meet some ladies for some lovely cheese cake and drinks. It was a last minute type of thing, and boy did I need it. When I look around this house, and see all the crap everywhere, I feel like... well... crap! I do not like my house messy, it gives me the heebie, jeebies. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will only be for another week, that's it, just one more week!!!!

Oh, I am getting the storage trailer brought over tonight. Now to just find someone to help me move the furniture into it!!! Anyone??? Anyone???

Thursday, August 6, 2009

So very tired

I still have at least one week of packing to do, and I am already so very, very tired. I really wish the packing fairy would come here and just get it done for me. I'm thinking I may never move again to just avoid the stress of moving!!!!

To prove just how tired I am, here's what happened at bedtime tonight. The boys of course have been running a little wild this last week, being cooped up in the house most days due to the weather, has not helped the situation one bit. Then Uncle John came over tonight to install the new dishwasher, which I am forever grateful for! But, they of course wanted to help Uncle John, which as I'm sure you all know, isn't really helping. It was then I decided they needed to go to bed early tonight.

At 6:45pm, I had them upstairs getting ready. Shortly after 7pm, they were in their respective beds. I was in the chair in Little Man's room while he was in his bed, trust me, this is an improvement! The last month I have had to hold him so that he can fall asleep, not exactly the highlight of my evenings... although once in a while is nice, but my poor arms need a rest too. Well, next thing you know, I wake up to Little Man playing quietly on his bed, and some chattering coming from down the hallway??? I get up, and head down the hall to see what is going on.

I found Monkey & Bug in the formers room, with the three suitcases from my room, along with a now empty tube of toothpaste (all natural, thank God), and a large pile of toonies!!! How the heck did I miss hearing all that??? They would have had to go right past Little Man's room a few times to get all 3 suitcases out, and then the toonies as well. With three little boys in this house, I usually wake up to the slightest sound. When I was able to get back downstairs, the clock said it was 15 minutes after 8pm.

This all points to a very tired, and stressed out Mama. I can't wait to get this house packed up, and the things I don't want sold or removed for consignment. I just want this part of my life behind me, and move on to better things. I want to live again, not just deal with crap!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Packing, packing & more packing!

We have had crappy weather the last few days, which goes along with the crappy job of packing up this house! I am luckily getting a lot of help from friends and family, but it is still a very large job. I should really be utilizing my evenings once the kids are in bed, but I am so busy during the day packing, dealing with them, getting errands done, and whatever else needs to be done... that I just don't want to spend every evening packing!!!! Although, the quicker I get this done, the quicker I can spend some good quality time with the boys!!!

The boys have just been crazy lately, mostly due to the lack of any real schedule going on right now. Having boxes piling up, Mama busy all the time, and so many changes happening, is not helping things at all right now. What's really not helping is how clingy they are to me these days, makes it hard for my friends to watch them while I try to get some packing done. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is only temporary, and I will have them back to a routine very soon.

Mornings have been improving the last few days. I am making sure I get up around 6am each day, so that I can be ready to help them out right away. We have actually been down to breakfast at a decent time the last few days, something that had been slipping for a few months now. I have never professed to be a morning person, but for them, I am going to have to be. Once school starts next month, we will have to be dressed and out the door by 8am each and every weekday. Right now I'm lucky if we are eating breakfast by 8am.

Another reason to be up earlier, is to avoid massive destruction to this house while I have my shower!!! The things that little man gets into when I leave the room for 5 minutes is impressive, just think of what happens when I am gone for 30 minutes. I came down the other morning to find my used tea bag opened and strewn about the counter, the banana's all had finger holes covering them, the chairs were strategically positioned around the kitchen to access any and all things that appeal to a 20 month old.... which is pretty much everything. It is just too nerve wracking to continue with that... so Mama now has to learn to be up super early each day to get herself ready before diving into the day.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Feeling pretty good.

I am really starting to feel better, about myself, and about where I am going. I look better than I have in over 10 years, and I'm still losing. In another few months (I have between 12lbs and 22lbs to go) I will be at my goal weight, can't wait to get some shopping done this fall. I have a great house to move into in a few months, and even found out yesterday that there is a possibility of moving in earlier, which would be incredible. I have three absolutely amazing boys that love me unconditionally, something that no one can take away. Many people do not realize that I am 35, would not put me older than about 27/28 years old. Before I lost the weight I had finally started to look my age, now that has been reversed. Guess it means I could easily go for a younger man LOL.

As much as I do still love him, I do not like him, and each and every day my love is slowly falling away. I can't wait for the day that my feelings are diminished enough that what he says to me, does not hurt or affect me the same as it does now. I know it will take time, but I am slowly getting there, which is what I need to be able to move on with my life. Love is not something I can just turn off with a switch. With the help of my friends, family and counselor, I will get to a healthier place in regards to my feelings for him. I will not allow what he has done, to ruin the rest of my life.

I am only now realizing just how much of myself I repressed while with him, just how much of myself I put away to make things better for him. I did too much for him, and not enough for me. Who I really am is coming out, and she is incredible strong. I am going to make the most of this new life I have, make it a life that I can be proud of... that my boys can be proud of!