Saturday, February 28, 2009

I need to say this... I LOVE my Mom!

Yesterday was not a great day for me, too much happening all at once. I did get a chance to relax, and talk with a good friend. But, my nose started to plug up. I woke up this morning feeling like crap! My tummy felt sick, my head ached, my nose was running. To top that off, I found Monkey puking in the bathroom! During breakfast, Little Man puked all over himself, the table and floor. I knew I was not going to make it through on my own today... so I called my Mom. I think this is the first time I have asked for help in years!

She came over a few hours later, brought some food to help with upset tummies. She took over right away. She sent me up to my room for a nice hot soak, and then a nap. I slept from just before noon, till after 4pm! I do feel better than I did this morning, my Mom actually said I looked like crap when she first got here. My Dad then came over at 4:30 with some KFC for the boys to all eat, which certainly made them happy.

I can't express how glad I am that she was here today... it's not often I need the extra help, but today was certainly one of them. The only real blight today was that I couldn't get a hold of hubby?!?! His phone was going straight to voicemail. Either he forgot to charge it yesterday, or it was acting up again... two times this last trip it wouldn't let him call out, and once wouldn't even allow him to receive calls. It's not the phone itself, but his vodaphone sim card. Hopefully I get a chance to hear from him tomorrow, it really throws my day when I can't talk to him.

Friday, February 27, 2009

I came close to losing it today... in some ways I did!

This has been a fairly hard week, the boys have been acting out, are up through out the night waking me up, so I admit I haven't always dealt with things as well as I could. Here are the highlights of this week, and yes, there are some good things.

  • Bug decided he did not want to wear diapers at night, and has stayed dry!
  • Little Man coughed so much last night at 3am, that he puked.
  • The two nights that Little Man slept through, Monkey and Bug both bothered me multiple times.
  • Monkey has not been listening, lying, talking back, and hurting Bug (biting, hitting). In general driving me up the wall.
  • Little Man has spent a good portion of his awake time screaming and crying.
  • Bug has been following Monkey's example of not listening.
  • Little Man said the word 'Sock' while I was putting them on his feet.
  • Found out that Hubby will be home Monday, BUT is heading to Ohio from Wednesday to Friday.
  • Found out today that Bug did fracture his foot, but the Clinic never contacted me for follow up till Wednesday???? I am furious!

This afternoon was the icing on the cake, so to say. I had an appointment for Little Man about his cough (which is just a cough, they just want me to keep an eye on it), by the time I got back to van I was in tears! Monkey was absolutely horrible! He embarrassed me with his behavior, I felt like a failure! Bug wasn't much better. So, I got them strapped into their car seats, and proceed to have a massive crying spell while sitting in the parking lot. For the first time that day (or all week for that matter), Monkey and Bug were quiet... I think they were scarred to see me losing it like that. I just couldn't stop myself, it probably lasted for a good 10 minutes.

Things are changing around here. There is to be NO TV for the next week, or computer time. At the first transgression (lying, talking back, not listening), they are to be sent to their room. If they don't get their boots on in the morning, we will not be going to school, and the offender will be sent to their room. I will NOT yell, this has gotten me nowhere. Instead of telling them multiple times to stop something, they will be sent to their room instead. I know this will take time, but it has to happen. I will not allow my children to rule us with their behavior. I do realize they aren't all that bad (I have seen so much worse), but it is not something I will tolerate.

In a week, I will revisit the TV and computer time... but it will be much more regulated than it is now. I just wish I had done this sooner... would have saved a little of my sanity.

So, wish me luck this week... and wish the boys luck too!!

Monday, February 23, 2009


I'm a little upset... I knew it was likely, but I'm still very, very, very upset about it. Hubby will NOT be coming home tomorrow. The earliest he will be back is next Tuesday, which is into March already!!!! So, in a 5 week period, he will only have been home for 1 week.

He better be home next week, I really feel like I can't take much more.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I can't take much more...

I'm done.

There is just too much for me to handle easily right now. I have not had much sleep lately, due to many different things... Little Man coughing, insomnia, Bug continually waking up, missing hubby. The boys, mainly Bug and Monkey, have been driving me up the bloody wall! I talk nicely, they don't hear me. I talk more firmly, they don't hear me. I raise my voice a little bit, they don't hear me. I yell, and sometimes they hear me, sometimes they don't. And it's not like I am trying to get their attention from a long distance away... maybe 2-5 meters at the most!?!?! The fighting is getting to be a continuous sound, screaming, crying, growling (yes, my boys growl). Then there is the pushing, hitting, throwing.

To top all this off, it would appear that Hubby will NOT be coming home on Tuesday. A part of me knew it could happen, but I really, really didn't want to believe it was even possible. They are having some issues with the program they are installing, and it will make the most sense for Hubby to stay there where he is in the same country, and same time zone as his programmers. I just really need him home to help me stay sane.

I was thinking I could almost handle the extended trip, but now my throat is getting sore. I really cannot afford to be sick right now. I'm sure you can all imagine how well I will deal with my hooligans when not feeling well.

Okay... this whole week hasn't been bad, I have had some good laughs. One of the best was Monkey trying to bargain with me! We let him play some (that we approve) of the free games on HP, you can only play each game 3 times before you have to pay. I have only bought one game, and don't really have plans to buy anymore. I think this was Wednesday??? This is what Monkey said while looking at the games available. "Mama, if you buy me a game I won't scream anymore" LOL I was smart, and didn't laugh at him. I did say that I would not be buying him any games (we have this discussion at least 4 times a week), and that since he is almost 5, he shouldn't be screaming anymore as it is. He really didn't care for my answer, I got the look!

So, I am now going to have an orange, some vitamins, and read a little bit before trying to get some sleep. Let's just hope that I get enough rest to deal better tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A strange, but good day.

The big thing for me today, was that Bug is finally putting some pressure on his foot again!!!! It is still swollen, and the bruising is a little more defined, but it is getting better. So, with this in mind, I met with a friend at the Zoo this morning. This allowed us to do something, but let Bug stay off his foot. Not sure what we will do tomorrow, but I'm sure something will come up.

Little Man's diaper rash is looking much, much better... I just wish I knew what exactly had caused it? I just have a very hard time believing that he is getting his 2 year molars already. Guess I will know in a week or so.

The strange thing for today.... Both Bug and Little Man fell asleep on the way home from the Zoo, completely expected. The unexpected was the Bug would not wake up!!! I finally went up at 5:30pm (he fell asleep at just after 1pm) to put him on the potty, and get him ready for bed. Well, he lost it, threw a completely crazy screaming, kicking fit!!! After giving up with the potty, I tried to get his diaper on... that was interesting. I finally gave up, and just left him screaming away in his room. Just after 6pm, I took Little Man upstairs to get ready for bed, and found Bug going potty... happy as could be!?!?!?

He said he was hungry, so I brought him down, and gave him some dinner. He really didn't eat much, but did drink all his milk. He is now back in bed (7:30pm), although I am pretty sure he is not asleep. I'm now a little concerned over how early he will be up tomorrow!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

First X-Ray today.

It finally happened... had to get x-rays for Bug's foot. We headed out for the playground this morning, I need to get the kids out of the house to burn some energy off. I'm not even sure what happened, as I was helping Little Man at the time. Somehow, Bug fell or jumped to the ground, and managed to hurt his right foot. Of course this also happened on a day that I didn't bring the second seat for the stroller!!! I somehow managed to get both Bug and Little Man into the stroller, and we headed off home.

We were home for at least a half hour before I could get Bug to finally calm down enough, and start talking. The inner step on his right foot was starting to swell at this point. I quickly made lunch, and started to make some phone calls. Shortly after 1, I packed the kids up, and headed out. I dropped Monkey, and Little Man at a friends house, and took Bug to the walk-in clinic. We were seen within 20 minutes, and then of course sent off for x-rays.

The worst part of the whole experience, was waiting to see the Dr AFTER the x-rays were done. We sat for over an hour, only to have him finally say that there was nothing broken. He could have easily just taken a quick look to see if we even needed to hang around. At least that is over. Bug still won't put any pressure on his foot, so I have been carrying him around everywhere... all 34lbs of him!!!

I am ready for my glass of Wine now!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

My Poor Little Man

Little Man has started saying a new word... Ow! Which is fitting considering how sore, and red his poor little bum is! He started getting a diaper rash yesterday, and it has just been getting worse today. It would probably help if he didn't have a little runny poop every hour or so... it's hard to keep up when he does so many. I'm not quite sure why he is having this awful diaper rashes, and the red cheeks of the last few weeks. He has all of his eye teeth, and we are just waiting for his 2 year molars... of which it is WAY too early for!!!! I guess it's possible, but I would never have thought they would come now. Not sure I will get my finger in to check either, he thinks it's time to chomp my finger off if I put it in LOL.

Night 2 of hubby being away... it sucks!!!! I don't want to do anything, even though I know I have to clean up from dinner, or the morning will be a nightmare. Speaking of tomorrow, I should really come up with a plan of attack... but I just don't know what to do with the boys to keep them occupied. It's hard to do any crafts during the morning with Hadrian around trying to get into everything. During the afternoon, I feel bad for Paxton because it's his nap time... which means he wouldn't get to enjoy the craft. ARGH. I am sure though that I am not ready for Paxton to stop napping, he is way to on the go during the day to not have a nap... he would drive me completely insane if he didn't have a cool down period.

So, Hubby is pretty sure they will sell the company this year. There is one contract that they want to have before making the big push to sell. For his sake, I hope it does happen! He would most likely have a 1-2 year employment contract with the buyers, and then he can retire! Little Man would be around 3-4 years old, and traveling will be that much easier... no diapers, strollers, or naps to worry about. Not only that, but we can then be away from all this snow!!!!!!

I do realize that it may not happen this year, but hubby's partners are confident that it will ... and they have done this type of thing many times before. I understand they already have 2 companies (one in France, the other Switzerland) that are very interested, and one other (in France as well) that may or may not be interested. Of course I hope that we get as much return on our shares as possible, but no matter what it is we will be happy.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Not long enough

This week was just too short! Hubby left for England again yesterday, I hate that he is gone. He will be gone for 9 days, possibly a little longer if everything doesn't get done in time. This first week is going to be rather long, the boys don't have school at all, so no break at all. Guess I should get used to that though, since I will be schooling them in the fall. At least I don't have to rush out the door first thing in the morning.

So, it was NOT food poisoning that I had. Monkey got sick Tuesday night, and Little Man was sick on Wednesday... his first one was all over the stairs, really lovely to clean up! Bug only had the runs, and hubby didn't get anything! Thankfully we were all better by Friday, as we had arranged for the boys to be at Grandma's house for the night.

Hubby actually got me flowers!!!! I can't remember the last time he got me flowers, he also made reservations a very, very nice restaurant for dinner. I can't remember the last time I had such a nice dinner, it was wonderful. I highly recommend Il Sogno for a lovely nice dinner, the food was excellent, and the service impeccable. It was also nice to not hear any children anywhere!

Monkey is becoming a bit dramatic these days LOL. Bug shared one of his valentine suckers with Monkey. Monkey did say Thank You very nicely, but got mad at Bug for not saying Your Welcome?!?! So, he said 'I'm never speaking to you again!' LOL. Of course 5 minutes later he was doing his best to get Bug's attention to ask him a question.

I haven't written much about my Step-Father, also don't really want to dwell there... but he said something to me Friday afternoon as I dropped the boys off at their house. He said that he didn't like the way we yelled at the boys!!!! Now, I will admit, I have been yelling a bit more than I like... but of all the people to say this to me!!! For those that do know my relationship with him, you will know what it was like growing up... lot's of being yelled at, belittled, put down, and just dealt with contempt.

In some ways it is a wake up call, but at the same time... if he feels it isn't right, why did he do it to me. Of course he did imply that my memory is flawed, as well as those of his biological children. I can say, that I have never belittled my boys, nor said that they are stupid. The yelling does need to stop, but it sometimes feels like it is the only way to be heard over the noise in this house some days.

I just need to find a way to channel the anger I sometimes feel, especially the frustration. I don't always know how to deal with the attitude, and fighting that the boys do... and it's only going to get worse when Hadrian joins in. Maybe just start with a deep breath when I feel I am about to yell, and learn to walk away until I can talk calmly.

So, wish me luck this coming week that I can keep it together a little better.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Ugh... what a day!

Yesterday started off nicely, Hubby took Monkey to school in the morning. Which meant that I could relax with the other two. Yah, that didn't last all that long. Right before 10am I started to feel very off, sick to my stomach. Between chills, and bathroom runs, I got soooo tired!!!! After lunch (I could barely stomach making P&J sandwiches!?!), I put the youngest two down for a nap, popped a movie in for Monkey, and crashed on the couch. Even after naps were over, I hung out on the couch doing my best to not go back to the bathroom.

So, since having breakfast yesterday morning (eggs, toast, and tea), I have had 2 slices of toast, 6 crackers, and a very, very small amount of dinner. The strange thing is that I am not all that hungry??? Oh, the icing on this lovely couple of days (we think food poisoning since no one else is affected), is that it appears my period has started.

I had the Mirena IUD put in back in August. It started off fine, but lately I have been having issues that make me wonder if I need to have it out. The biggest issue with that is our next option is hubby getting fixed... and I'm still not 100% sure that is the route I want to take, but I also don't feel that it is the right to have another little one with where we want our life to go. The thought of traveling with 4 children is almost enough to send me into panic attacks! But it is hard to say that I am done having babies... I just don't like making things that permanent?!?! I really hope things with the Mirena settle out, it seemed like the perfect way to have long term birth control, without worrying about it!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Small breaks this week.

Hubby is Home!!!! YAH I am so happy to have him home, even for the short amount of time it will be. It is just nice to hear someone other then myself rattling around this house at night. Unfortunately, he has to head back to England on Saturday for another 10 days or so. The worst part of this is that the boys have next week off of school... which means no break of any kind for me.

We are at least going to have some child free time before he leaves. The boys are heading to Grandma's Friday for the night, and we shall be enjoying a nice dinner... and maybe relax at home with a few movies. The best part will be sleeping in the next morning!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

He's on his way!!!!

Finally, At Last!!!! Hubby will be home tomorrow!!!!! I am so looking forward to having him home, it has been a very long time since he has been away this long. It does suck that he will have to head out in another week, but it is just what must be right now. As a good friends said 'At least the monetary gains outweigh the issues now'... that's not exactly how she worded it, but is the general idea! LOL. I also asked her to make sure I didn't turn into a 'Rich Snob' when the time came LOL.

I have survived with the boys, although it has been trying... I need to find an outlet for my anger and frustration. My Mother has offered to watch the boys (when Hubby is away) so that I can attend a fitness class of some kind. I am think that Yoga might be a good idea, get some exercise, but also get a better way to deal with stress. I have checked out a few places, now it's just a matter of signing up.

I was able to get out skating with the boys last night, with my Parent's help of course. I was very proud that I did not fall on my ass! It had been around 16 years since the last time I laced up a pair of skates. Monkey and Bug both did so well, considering it was their first time on the ice this year. Monkey was able to go off on his own a bit, I could really see his confidence increasing. Bug did go on his own a bit, but he loses concentration so easily. I am very much looking forward to getting on the ice with them again. I can remember how much fun I had skating as a child, I want them to have that some fun and enjoyment that I did.

I am off to find my bed, thankfully the last night I will be alone in it!!! For a little while at least.

Monday, February 2, 2009


Do you ever wonder how you ended up where you are today??? What decisions led you to this place, and is it where you want to be??? And, what have you lost along the way?

Every once in a while I think about what paths I have taken in my life, and if I could have done things different. I do my best to not regret decisions, but it doesn't mean that I don't question them. For the most part, I am extremely happy with my life. I have a truly wonderful Hubby who provides for us very well, and is my perfect partner in life. I have 3 incredible boys that I love more than I could have thought possible, and amazingly they love me to.

Things that I have lost... I have lost touch with a number of friends over the years, some through distance, others because of differing lifestyles. I'm not one to make close friends easily, so I do mourn the ones that I have lost. I miss having them in my life. But, it is the way of life to change.

As much as I would have done some things differently, I wouldn't want to have ended up anywhere else than where I am right now.