Always that balance...

It's amazing how trying to find a balance in life can be so difficult, even with the basic things.  This weekend finally produced some nice weather here, allowing me to get into the garden and plant things.  I did get a lot of work done, seeds planted, bedding plants in, lawn mowed, weeds pulled... you get the idea. As positive and good as it was to get this done (and trust me, I have a lot more to do!), there was a downside.  My house.  The laundry has piled up, the floors unswept, the counters full, the toys laying around... again, you get the idea.  After a full day of working outside, I am not really up to getting the housework done tonight... just going to have to wait.

Another thing I did get some work on was the tent trailer!  Got most things pulled out of it (the lady I bought it from left all her camping stuff in it, as she will no longer be camping), and am in the process of washing the blankets and towels that I found.  I now just need to get it loaded up with our things so that we can head out in a few weeks, also need to figure out where we are going too!  I would really like to head back to Lake Louise for our first foray, as it's close enough that if there are any problems, we can be home quickly.  After that trip, I want to take the boys into the okanagan, they will love it out there!

Now onto how I'm doing these days.  It's been a hard week, I won't lie, it hasn't been great.  I feel overwhelmed, and tired.  The boys have been pushing, the housework never ends, the yard needs work... and I really wonder how I am supposed to get it all done?  There is so much work, work that is normally done by two people.  I know that I can do it, barely, but it stresses me.  Then I worry that I will enter into a relationship with someone just to get that help.  That scares me, scares me very much!  I need to know that I can do it all, before I can enter into a serious relationship... I don't want that need of help to colour how I see someone.  I want someone to love me, need me... not to 'take care of' in that sense.  I need to be stable in this new life of mine before bringing someone else in.