Monday, June 22, 2009

Hmmm... where did those thought go???

So, I was working out on my elliptical, and I had my thoughts all organized for a post about how I am feeling and doing right now... well, it's gone LOL. I really can't remember what it was I wanted to say now, if that isn't a sign of a traumatized brain, I don't know what is.

I am doing well, it's been a few days since I have cried. I know there are still many bad days ahead of me, but I am doing my best to enjoy the decent ones for now. I am actually feeling positive about where I am going, and how I will get there. I am closer to my goal weight right now than I have been in almost 9 years, which is an incredible feeling. Another few months and I will look as good as I did when I got married almost 13 years ago. This weight loss isn't being done for him, it is 100% for me. I never thought exercise would feel so good, and I am happy that I am taking much better care of myself than I have in a very long time. I plan to enjoy an active life with my boys.

Oh, this is part of what I wanted to write about LOL. I am coming to realize that I may not find someone else to spend my life with, and I am getting a little better at dealing with that thought. I'm sure there could be someone else out there for me, but the big obstacle for me will be 'Trust'. I have just had my trust shattered by someone I trusted implicitly, and completely. The road to recovering from that is going to be long, and hard. It will take me a long time to learn how to trust someone enough to place a part of my heart in theirs.... I'm not sure I could handle another heart break like this one again. It is somewhat scary to think that I could be alone for the rest of my life.....

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