Saturday, April 24, 2010

Happy Freaking Birthday to Me!

Well, this is close to one of the worst birthdays I've had.  In some ways my fault, and in others, just the way things worked out.  The weather has sucked, crazy wet snow coming down in almost white out conditions.  This of course ruined my plans for the evening.  I also made a decision yesterday to stop trying to date, I just don't really have it in me right now.  I have worked so hard to get where I am, and I do still have a lot of work to do.  I also really don't want to ruin my progress by putting my happiness in someone else's domain.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of entering a relationship again, of putting my heart into someone else's hands.  And why shouldn't I be?  I had my heart broken by someone that I loved, who said he loved me too, yet he still broke my heart.  I'm also scared of putting my kids through another relationship, of bringing someone else into their lives.  I don't want to confuse them, they have so much to adjust to right now as it is.

There is someone that I would like to try having a relationship with...

So, here I sit alone, celebrating my 36th Birthday.  Don't feel sorry for me, being alone is something I do really need to get used to.  It's not really as bad as it sounds either, I would rather be alone right now then risk my sanity.  I still have a lot of improvements to make to myself, things I want to do.

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