This is my year!

2011 is starting off with a great start so far!  Not to say 2010 was bad, but this year is showing some real promise for me.  I have love in my life, and prospects for my future.  It's not to say that there isn't struggle and strife, but what is life without struggle?  I see change coming, change that I desperately want!

Domain was lost :(

I lost my domain yesterday, it sucks that it happened, but in some ways I think it was a good thing.  I bought 3travelingboys when I was still with my ex, and it went with the dreams that he brought to our marriage.  Those dreams are of course long gone, new and better ones have replaced them.

Onto my the issue at hand, what on earth should my new domain be???

Stuck...

I have all these ideas and plans for my future... but I seem to be stuck on how to start?!  I just can't decide exactly what I should be doing in a few years when I need to re-enter the work force.  By the time I start sending out resumes, I will have been unemployed for 9 and a half years!  That is a seriously long time.  It essentially means that I will be starting all over again when I am close to 40.... that sucks!  Now, I would not give up these years with my children for anything, and I know it's been so good for them to have me here.  But, it's also somewhat draining to have to put myself on the back burner for such a long time.

Considering I don't want to commute to the city, my job choices will be limited.  I would prefer to find something that I can do from home, but again I'm stuck with how and what to start.  I have a week away from the boys after Christmas, a week where I can really sit down and decide what I should concentrate on.  Who knows, maybe I can do both of my 'ideas'...

Scared by my grocery list!

I'm sitting here tonight compiling my grocery list, and I fully admit it's scaring me a bit right now!  Tomorrow marks 10% Tuesday around here (first Tuesday of each month), so I'm planning to make the best of the deal.  I'm hosting the feast Christmas day this year, figure it would be easier for the boys to be home with all their new toys.  It's not a complicated meal, but it does take some planning.  I'm trying to think of all the things I will need for the rest of the month, that I can get and store now.

I've been watching my money much more carefully this month, as well as marking down what I spend.  I'm not going the cash envelope method, but using an app for my iPhone to track what I spend in each category.  It's helping me keep from spending money on things I don't need.  Of course I'm only 6 days into the month, but so far it's looking promising.  Next month the savings will be better with no gifts to purchase.

Will be nice to see a nice balance back in savings again!

Slacking again

I've been slacking on blogging so much this year... it's been getting harder to verbalize my feelings.  Life has dealt me a few giant curve balls, but I'm doing my best to work through them.  I've also had some wonderful and incredible things happen over the last few months.  The best has been finding my old best friends from high school, and to find him so happy has been wonderful!  J and I were inseparable for 2 years, he was my go to guy.  I loved him like a brother, and was devastated when life came between us.

My life in many ways is coming full circle for me.  Last year I reconnected with P, and that has gone so much better than I ever thought possible.  I am leaving my heart in his hands, and trust him to take care of it.  C has stood by me since all the crap with my ex happened, she has been a true friend, confidant, and someone to let loose with as well.  And now J has come back to be my friend and confidant.  His husband is also turning into another wonderful and true friend.  The crazy part of these relationships, is that they all ended around 18 years ago when I left high school!  Yet, since my marriage ended, I have somehow found them again.

The powers that be have blessed me so much.  They may have let me go through some truly heart wrenching moments with my ex, but they have given me so much more in return.  When my ex came home from his business trip back in May 09, and informed me our marriage was over... I could not see how much of a blessing this would be!  I knew my life with him was over, but it was so hard to see how much more wonderful my life would be without him.  Does this mean I forgive him for his affair??  No, but I do my best to not let it affect my life now.

My journey to finding myself will continue for many years to come, heck, it will continue till the day I die.  But, it's a journey that I am slowly learning to take with my eyes open, and facing it head on.

How could I have forgotten???

I HATE painting!  I have now spent my entire day working on painting my office/sewing room, and the TV/Play room... it's 3:30am, and I'm exhausted.  The worst part is that I will be doing it all over again tomorrow.  I'll also need to have it all cleaned up before the boys come home. I know this needed to get done, but I really think I must be out of my mind for doing it... even if it looks so much better already.r

What do I do with tomorrow?

I had really hoped I wouldn't be married by this point, but well here I am... tomorrow will mark 14 years of Marriage to C.  It also marks one year that C moved back to Canada with his girlfriend/mistress.  Yes, that is correct, my 'husband' moved his girlfriend to this country on our 13th wedding anniversary... talk about a slap in the face!  I think the only way to look at this, is to see just how far I have come since our marriage ended... or should I say he ended it when he had his affair.

I am happier, I smile and laugh more than I had for years.  I don't miss out on doing things because I am either waiting for him to get home from a trip, or because I'm worried he wouldn't approve.  I have made mistakes during this time, but they were mine.  I have learned to love again, even if there is more caution involved in that.  I found friends where I didn't know I had them, and unfortunately I've also lost friends as well.  I've learned that I can handle more than I thought humanely possible, that I am stronger than anyone realized.

I believe the biggest things I have learned in this time, is to not worry about what other people think.  I am my own person, with my own ideas.  If there is something I want, I can and will get it.  I am a wonderful person, well worth loving.  My soon to be ex husband never really knew me, I don't think he ever wanted to.  He has missed out on knowing a wonderful person.

I look forward to my future, whatever it might hold.