It's that time again

Budget, budget, budget!

I'm not poor, but I do know that I could manage my money better.  So, this weekend will be the perfect time to work on my budget.  I'm thinking I will look at setting up envelopes with the cash I need for groceries and other odds and ends throughout the month.  I really need to watch my money much more closely.  I want to show my boys how to manage money properly, how to save well.  I want to set a good example for them!

Wish me luck, this is something I've always struggled with following through on... but it's something that I just have to do!

Struggle

We all struggle with different things, at different times in our lives.  A big struggle for me is 'Being Present'.  I constantly find myself wondering about the 'what if's', 'should I's' or 'shouldn't I's'.  It can be extremely draining doing this day in and day out.  I need to take a day, and just let myself be without the worries and wondering.  I need to take a day away from the computer, the TV, cell phone, and from all that distracts me from being in my life.

There is so much I want to do, to accomplish, to try... but if all I do is think about them, and worry about doing them... it's not going to happen!

I have made so many goals, both short and long term, in my life that I have not followed through with.  Why?  Because I'm scared?  Because I over analyze?  I wish I knew, but I do know I'm getting really tired of sitting around and waiting!

How can I do this?  Anyone out there have thoughts on how I can do this?

Thank You

Today is the day we celebrate all that we are thankful for, remembering and cherishing.

My list is pretty simple, but of course unique to who I am.

I am Thankful for my wonderful and incredible boys.  I have the privilege of watching them grow and learn each and every day.  I cherish the innocence they see the world with, and the love they show.

I am Thankful to have been given this new chance at life.  Just a few years ago, I knew I was in a rut, but had no idea how to get myself out of it.  I never realized that the rut was my marriage, and that shedding it would wake me up to a world of possibilities.  I am doing what I can to not take this life for granted, and to find as much joy in it as I can.

I am Thankful for a handful of wonderful, awesome friends.  Without their love and support, and a lot of listening and understand, I would not be where I am today.  They helped keep me sane when my world was falling down around me, they helped me remember that my boys were what mattered... I could get through anything with them surrounding me.

I am Thankful for Love.  I have fallen in love again, unbidden and so surprising.  I really did not expect to be here at this point in my journey, but I am.  He has shown me more compassion, caring and need than I had seen in more years than I care to think about.  He has helped to awaken the person I was starting to become when I met my ex, the person I repressed for all those years.  He, I think, has enjoyed watching me grow as much as I have relished each and every step.

I am Thankful to whatever God/Deity is out there watching over us.  I have spent most of my life questioning my spiritual path, and am finally realizing that I don't need to fight anymore.  I do believe there is a God, but I don't believe he is the God found in the Bible.  I'm not sure I can fully explain what I believe, I think that will be a post for another night.

I wish everyone out there could find their way through whatever sorrows they have, to see what a treasure our lives really are.  We all have the potential to be happy.

Lonely

My face reflected in the mirror.

The lines etched in my skin.

Showing all the worry and strain I carry with me.

I see loneliness.

I am afraid of that.

This life I lead is not what I hoped for.

Loneliness pervades

seeps in.

Love is waiting inside

bursting to come forth.

Craving touch

connection.

All around me the world keeps moving.

       Leaving me jostled and bruised.

Skin against skin

bringing warmth

connection.

A reflection of possibilities

      if but I can reach them.

It's time to shake my life up again!  Nothing crazy, just need to make some adjustments.  I don't want to become complacent and find myself doing the same things in another year.  I want to keep growing.  I've come so far since last year, and I don't want to stop now.

I'm just a little stuck as to what I should do.

I want to set some goals in place.

Poor neglected blog :(

It has been some time since I have updated my blog, it's been hard getting back into routines after such an enjoyable summer.  The boys and I did a total of 4.5 weeks worth of camping!!  Between the trailer, travel costs and camp sites, my savings were rather depleted... but there is no way I can complain!  We had just way too much fun, and it was money well spent.  In preparation for next year, the boys and I have sat down and talked about saving money each month.  We have talked about how I will not be spending as much money on 'things', so that we can get as much (if not more) camping done next year.  We have also set up a jar for saving towards 4 iPads.  The boys did do incredibly well on those long drives we took, but they did get bored.  I think the iPads would be an excellent alternative to getting a DVD system for the van, as they could do so much more than just watch a movie.  So, they have agreed that there will be no big presents for birthdays or holidays, and we will make as many of them as we can.  I'm pretty proud that they are going along with this so easily.  I want them to learn about saving for things, and making sacrifices for something that you really want.

New things in our lives...  Monkey started Grade 1, and is so far thriving!  After all the struggles last year, he is doing amazingly well so far.  Bug started at a 5 morning montessori this year, and is so far enjoying it thoroughly.  Little Man had his first day of pre-school last week, can't believe he is old enough to start school!  He will attend Tuesday's and Thursday's, which also means I get those two mornings child free!  The best part of him starting school, is he is now potty trained... so other than overnights, this is now a diaper free household!  I no longer need to carry a diaper bag around!

As for myself, I got another piercing!  It has only been 2 days, so it is still healing, but so far so good.  Curious as to what I got done???  Well, it's my tongue!  I have a lovely purple barbell smack dab in the middle of my tongue lol.  I have wanted to get my tongue pierced for over 14 years, can remember being so jealous when my friend Erin got hers done.  We had planned to get it done together, but I knew then that my fiance (now my ex) didn't like them... so silly me didn't get it done.  Really wish I would have just done what I wanted to do.  But, it is done now!  My tongue was really swollen yesterday, but it is down considerable today.  Hopefully by Monday it will be back to normal, and on it's way to healing nicely.  I almost didn't get it done, but only because I also want a labret piercing as well.  It was a tough decision.  As long as my tongue heals well, I will consider getting a labret done next month.  While I was in, I booked the touch up appointment for my pheonix, so in a few weeks it will be done as well.

Other news.  I have a set schedule with my ex!!  It feels so good knowing what weekends, and the few weeknights, that he will have the boys.  He tried to not do this, saying his usual crap of how he doesn't plan things.  Ummm, it's not all about him anymore!  The boys, and I, would both greatly benefit from a schedule.  Yes, I understand he travels for work, but it's much easier to adjust the schedule that is in place for those occurrences, then to always wonder when he will take the boys.  I was also tired of being the one to contact him as to when he wanted the boys.  It is no longer my 'job' to schedule his life, no longer my 'job' to keep track of his life.  We also came to an agreement about the settlement, which hopefully we will be signing this month... which means I am so much closer to finally being divorced!

One other things, I got my hair cut really short (really short for me lol)!  I absolutely love it!  I've never had it this short, but it's amazing just how well it suits me.  I am feeling so incredibly good about myself, my 30's are going to be some of the best years of my life!

Simplify

Simplicity!  That is what I need to strive for in my daily life.  The boys and I just got back from our last big camping trip of the season (Lake Louise), and I miss the simplicity of camping already.  The house and the yard are already stressing me out.  I have so much to get done before fall sets in, and that could easily be within a few weeks here!  I could get lucky and have till October to get most of the yard work dealt with, but I won't count on that.  I want the yard all ready for spring, so that we can get it planted and ready to go... then find someone to water and mow while we head out camping again!

So, for this simplicity that I am going to strive for.  I need to cut any and all extra's for a while, no shopping that isn't strictly necessary... it's not like I really need anything else right now.  I have clothes, the boys have clothes, I have everything I could possibly need!  Saving is going to be a huge goal this winter, for many different things.  Need to save for the trailer, have some improvements that I want to do next year, as well as camping fees!  I would also like to save for some iPad's for me and the boys, would be a great item for all the driving we are planning to do.  I also want to save for all the tattoo's and piercings I want to get, they aren't cheap!  And then of course to just have a nice a buffer in the bank, mine was depleted a fair bit with all of our camping and trailer needs.

School for the boys starts back up in a few weeks, which will allow me to get us all back on a good schedule.  Makes things much easier when we all know what is going on and when.  I'm looking forward to getting back to my running, I miss it!  It's such a good stress relief too!

I hope to update my blog more now that I am home, but for right now... the house calls!!!